And thats what were going to talk about in this post. Now, I know how this all sounds. You dont. by redrooster Wed Jan 09, 2013 11:37 pm, by DollsAndPins Thu Jan 10, 2013 4:26 am, by redrooster Fri Jan 11, 2013 12:52 am, by MartianRobotGirl Wed May 21, 2014 4:32 pm, by AmorousDestruction Fri May 23, 2014 1:47 pm, Return to Borderline Personality Disorder Forum, Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 31 guests. I doubted myself so much because I constantly had the feeling that I was dying. It won't happen with just one promise "Work is not first but at this moment I must tend to it"it will happen when she realizes you've made a lot of sacrifices for her and put up with her very painful emotions (this is real pain, btw. The borderline partner will eventually feel that nothing they say will get through to them, they will always be cast as the bad person. Borderline splitting occurs when the person disowns their feelings so they do not get in touch with them. Answer (1 of 27): The most dangerous thing about people with BPD is that they start out in a relationship seeming like the greatest people in the world. They were texting me. Be prepared to walk on eggshells for life, and stay strong. emotionally and physically abuse their partner, break their partner down and apologize after, constantly shift from hot to cold and vice versa, appear obsessed and addicted to various (unhealthy) substances, expect double standards (I can do this, but you cant), control and demand constant attention, support, validation and provide very little reassurance in return, cause envy and jealousy and look for a negative reaction, obsessively seek control (go through the phone, stalk on social media, and dig deep into peoples pasts), justify their toxic behavior with the way they feel, spreading rumors and smearing you to his/her friends and to the people you know, dating someone new right after the breakup and bragging about it, calling you bad names and trying to bring a bad reaction out of you, prank calling you and exposing your secrets/vulnerabilities, throwing tantrums for not receiving your attention, trying to ruin your relationships, damage your work, and affect the way you perceive yourself, find someone else and pretend to be happy with that person, promise to change ask you to give him/her one more chance despite giving him or her plenty of chances. Be proud your not with them any more. The other 2 types are narcissistic breakups and bipolar breakups as they also bring their own set of challenges. Everything it's calm already when the police come after a while. Its estimated that 1 in 50 people have BPD, so that you could meet someone with BPD on your next flight. Itd be hard to say exactly what people with a borderline personality disorder do that makes breakups hard, but here are some of the most common behaviors you can expect from a BPD person who broke up with you: Conversely, a person with BPD who gets broken up with could: Someone with a borderline disorder can act very similarly to a regular person who gets broken up with. Call her bluff! Theyre used to fighting for love and recognition, so they feel that theyve gotten as much out of the relationship as they could. Ironic. But the main difference is that a healthy person normally learns and improves from the breakup whereas a person with BPD doesnt. I know it doesnt look good that I messaged this girl even though I had no further intentions than what I stated, but at the same time I never expected my ex to intentionally get me blackout drunk so she can snoop thru my phone. Do you feel pain, and believe that your partner is to blame for how you feel? Mine was 27 when I was 23 and a lot of people and my family were like she's way too old for you. It made me realize my mistake as a normal person would when dealing with BPD break up. If you had many friends that trusted you it's because you deserved. I'm scared" F: "Why do you think that?" Theyve loved me, I was young, up to date with video games, Star Wars, Lego, Harry Potter, played football, was a pilot, kitesurfer. One moment they feel loved and the next they feel unwanted or abandoned. Destroyed my relationship BPD. No matter how strong the love and commitment is between both the people, the relationship can still get tiring at times. If she is having a bad day about her body imagine remind her of how beautiful she is, even if she denies it tell her that in your eyes she is amazing and nothing will change your mind. I recommend pay attention to the patterns. The feelings get pushed down, out of ones awareness because they are painful. The Internet is filled with this kind of one-sided and unpublished articles. You got us. Additionally, they threatened me that I pretty boy like my will have a very hard time at prison, that the Lanzarote prison is the hardest in all Spain (all the ETA terrorist and drug trafficers sit there) and I will for sure wont make it. Copyright 2022 - 2023 Heart Eyes Magazine -. Please include what you were doing when this page came up and the Cloudflare Ray ID found at the bottom of this page. This girl just so happened to message me asking when I'd be going out and I decided to message back just to practice talking to people. Maybe that is something to think about? Thank you Zan for this article! Everywhere I wanted, wherever I wanted, however I wanted. She was angry because of all my previous relationships and now she had knowledge about them. The author uses no journals, research papers etc to prove their theories are based on fact. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Wes spoken about moving in together and spending the holidays together. I know she slept with at least two. Man. Always. I've met my girlfriend at work, at a worldwide corporation dealing with real estate. You can generally plot out a borderline personality disorder relationship cycle into six stages of progression. They are very hard to control and they can be really hurtful and stressful for the other person. Hello Zan, It is good that you allow all to talk and say their piece whether right or wrong and dont remove their posts. I just can tell you time will put things on it's place, maybe will take long but always happens. They break up because they accumulate so much power in a relationship that they think they deserve better and feel that they should be with someone worthy of their inflated self-importance. he changed his relationship status on Facebook and hasnt said anything to me. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. "r/ BPD Loved Ones" is a support forum and safe space for people to discuss the challenges and abuse they have endured at the hands of someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). But it was all a lie. However your not alone. Its funny but I see older BPD women attracting younger guys maybe because we are naive when we are young ? Nobody understood, why Im with and older women with two children. I sadly had to stop reading midway through the introduction. I would like to point out that this article is entirely unreferenced. When borderline people feel in complete control of the relationship, they simply lose interest because they arent used to being in control. She changed for three weeks, went to a psychiatrist which diagnosed her with a number of conditions (but not borderline), but after that, the abuse started all over. When he saw us together, he came took my hand and placed her in her hand. She will thank you in the long run. But sadly our honeymoon phase didn't last long. At worst, totally devastating. They truly are hyper sensitive. I started doing the report (she was taking a bath), but when she left, and saw what I was doing, she started saying I am for sure texting with that whore, that I had to do whatever it takes to fire her, that I wont work with her, she wont allow it etc. In couples counseling, the borderline partner who is splitting will usually explain why their partner is the problem, in order to fix them. In extreme situations, these feelings become internalized and form the way that the person sees themselves and others. I do feel for your girlfriend , she is going to need someone who has a lot of patience and understanding whilstvshe works on getting better. So, you write that those with mental illness are not worthy of love. I started to develop some sort of depression. Im so sorry to hear that. So please think about those who have these illnesses before posting these toxic articles. Was your ex extremely sensitive, reactive, angry, and lacked control over himself or herself during difficult times? God the sex. Why Did My Ex Unfriend Me But Not Block Me? He likely is banging some thai 18 year old" GF: "Yeah you're probably right. RELATED ARTICLE: Borderline Personality And Abuse Cycle. The background might be different, but the plot is the same. One day I left my laptop opened and left she read it all. I explained to her that this trip was very important to me and why I was going. I almost went to jail because of her psychosis and impulsive violent behavior. Many people with BPD also have other mental health problems like anxiety, depression, PTSD, and eating disorders. I could not leave a women with child. After three months of pregnancy, she stopped working, but she did not start doing any of the home chores. Add BPD and it must be a living nightmare. That sucks. I would never have dated her if I knew she had Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). unless she actually had a long term relationship with like 5 people with . When their partner attempts to explain how they are taking them in the wrong way, the splitting person becomes more defensive, causing their partner to blame them in return. In comparison, I was in a 10 year relationship with a narcissist and the 1 year with the BPD woman was worse. He only cursed and was vert critical and very judgmental and acted very controlling. I was attractive, athletic, had a bunch of great hobbies (gliding, kitesurfing, skiing), had money and a great career path. Those diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) use the defense mechanism splitting, which causes them to feel extremes of either good or bad. We are social creatures; healthy relationships are vital to healthy lives. And try not to worry too much about your ex. (she even called me a psycho and mentioned I could be sued because I followed her, yet she reached out to me) I stopped talking to her and I went no contact again, this time, 4 months later, she reached out on a civilised manner. I sincerely hope you are right. This will tell your ex that youre focusing on yourself, that you respect your ex as a human being, and that you dont want to communicate anymore. She destroyed my good name and reputation. Managing a long-term relationship with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can be challenging. so to say they have no remorse for their actions is not only completly wrong, but also a toxic believe to put out on the internet. She said Im a psychopath, destroying everyone at my path and my career is followed by a pile of dead bodies. However, it is not impossible to maintain a long-term relationship with BPD. So leave your ex alone and dont provoke your ex. Jealousy, accusations, rage, violence, destroying my property. Click to reveal It seems to me everything that meant a lot to me was fake and surreal. Oct 19, 2015 #1 . Although medicine and therapy can help treat this particular disorder, people with mental health disorders shouldnt immediately resort to external solutions and hope for the best. 136.243.94.45 This article was painful to read. I had a lot of friends female too. 1 reason BPD-diagnosed people initiate therapy is because of stress in relationships. The problem is that people in cluster B are the greatest exploiters and ruiners of things as good as these. They do this because they wish to be one step ahead of their partners. Fuck. Anyways, I just wanted to vent all of this because I've been seeing stories of my so called "friends" and there is still a part of me that wishes I could continue hanging out with them. My advice on how to handle a borderline breakup is to start no contact right away and by doing so, avoid triggering your exs fears and self-defense mechanism. Ill never understand I know it was all fake but how? Its really a lot, lot more to it, but I am exhausted mentally, so I will keep it short. Age is a big manupulation tactic. You shared that you met a man on online dating, hung out for two months last year, in May 2020, he reached out to you. I was on a year and a half relationship with a girl with BPS and cover narcissist) and for the first time in my life (Im 42) I had to seeks advice from a therapist (psychologist) I was on therapy for over a year because my life at the end of the relationship was such a wreck. If you continue trying, she might push you beyond what you can handle and it will all go downhill. All Rights Reserved. Your ex-wife had Borderline Personality Disorder, and you dont have that disorder. This subreddit is an abuse support forum. The action you just performed triggered the security solution. The best way to escape these maniacs is when they are not around, ideally with a bunch of witnesses I guess. How she found child porn on his laptop, how he forced her to fulfill his sick sexual needs. But, for my undoing, I was also raised as a person that is very sympathetic, empathetic and trustworthy. How To Cope With Your Ex Dating Someone New? She managed to change her job (she would be fired from the previous), she has lots of cash and a new, young lover. Wow, this is intense. "Vent", as you guys call it. You can tell a person has a borderline personality disorder when he or she verbally or non-verbally goes to extremes and struggles to remain calm and collected. She hid her medical appointments or data from me. He's fucking cheating on me, I knew it!" When you believe that your partner is causing you pain, the relationship becomes unbearable. Why Are My Exs Friends Contacting Me And Being So Nice To Me? Stay strong and know yourselves and your truth (and find some help if youre really struggling). Thats why theres no one-size-fits-all solution to BPD. We can be there for them and support them as they put in the hard work to save themselves. You wrote: "I did it again. Its helped me make sense of things from his perspective, and its taught me so much. Thank you Zan, I will never forget you and your care. The reason why people with BPD break up with their partners is very simple. F: "U should leave him, u deserve better." Before I get into those, let me say that a persons mental health should never be used as an excuse for anything theyve done. I have chosen to keep quiet about my diagnosis due to articles and attitudes like this. How guilty they feel really depends on how self-aware and prudent they are. Cloudflare Ray ID: 7a146d6d9d2e467f As part of the bootcamp, I had to go talk to random people and ask them for their phone number. After one of the company parties, I had to transport my drunk friend to my apartment and she started calling me franticly to come to her place. We have actually had a massive argument today. Funny thing, with Spain, their law is very discriminatory for men. The thing with borderline people is that they subconsciously look for someone who can bend to their will. From chronic emptiness to uncontrollable anger, there is a lot of variation from symptom to symptom. I also think that you need to take control of the situation more. Re: Girlfriend has BPD and its destroying me. Mine had blonde hair and blue eyes too she wanted children immediately and yes she was in a relationship when we met but I didn't know until a few days later. I love this girl I really do and I'm gonna do my best to sort this out. They crave intimacy and affection and tend to experience waves of separation anxiety and a fear of losing control. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition where people struggle with self-image and emotion regulation. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. I washed him, I made food for him I bought his clothes. Therapy assists the borderline to deal with their feelings, instead of blaming their partner for their past wounds. Do you erupt into anger easily? Dude, I get it. When a BPD person is splitting, they may distort how they see things. That has been my worst nightmare for really long because I'm like you, I can't leave a kid and I know she wants a kid from me, she wants a genius beautiful kid, I get shivers just thinking it. Joined Oct 19, 2015 Messages 63. GF: "I'll end it!". Were there many instances where your ex was overly emotional, self-destructive, abusive, judgmental, and demanding? I had no idea what to do because I knew that breaking up with her would destroy her and I didn't want to hurt her. Its important to remember that BPD isnt something your child chooses, and there are many things you can do to get them back on track. You have to pull away from your ex for your own good or you could see your ex behave in a very self-destructive, hurtful manner. RodMan, it's like you wrote my story for me; down to the timeline. And I did, because of my son. your notes helped me a lot. At least not behavior-wise because their negative behavior is deep-rooted and has no incentive to change. But she felt the need to rub my face in her new guy that she cheated on me with on Christmas. For me, that was it. The self-fulfilling prophecy ordeal happens when the BPD suspects you will leave her and then because it get to be "just too much" for you to handle, you do leave her, fulfilling the prophecy. He played with me. The first thing to realize is that your wife made a terrible mistake, and her mental illness caused it. GF: "U don't think he's cheating, do u? However, we can't be the crutch that enables them. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. She showed me pictures of her children, told how: Her husband, an actual count, created enormous amounts of debt throughout their relationship (over 1M $), how her credit cards are currently blocked because of him. I also had to turn my back on my family and most of my friends. Always grateful. A borderline personality disorder is one of a group of conditions called emotionally unstable personality disorders. Often these splitting behaviours push the partner away. Performance & security by Cloudflare. 2 They're also prone to It should be considered a mental illness that affects around 1.5% of people in the United States, 75% of which are women. My girlfriend was crazy jealous about her. Thats a classic sign of BPD. She was cheating on me for over a year, with a number of guys (which I got to know just know). Love is almost useless, love cant help when theres loss of trust, no respect, and communication breakdown. If he or she cant, your ex can ask you directly for help, or better yet, get professional help. If you did and you have something to add, comment below. It interferes with how you see yourself, others, and the world. People usually see their partner in the best possible light during the honeymoon stage of the relationship. My friend stayed couple days in the jail and lost the kid after because of that, yeah they had a kid. If you are struggling to understand and move on from a break up, shift your focus off your ex and onto yourself. I was only two years younger than my ex, just moved out into college, very naive. If the therapist does not recognize the splitting, the couple becomes stuck in blaming each other. Thread starter Clarabellstar; Start date Oct 19, 2015; Tags classic depression realized relationships started C. Clarabellstar Well-known member. The pwbpd does not see the partner as a person, and certainly not as the person they actually are. And I did, because of my son. 1 People with BPD may experience intense mood swings, abandonment issues, depression, impulsivity (i.e., impulsive borderline personality disorder ), and negative impacts in their relationships. Remember you cant reason with a unreasonable person. I hope you're okay now. So I did. The relationship was still shit, but there where good moments. But those were all things I was unaware at that moment. So leave your ex can ask you directly for help, or better yet, get professional.! And lost the kid after because of that, Yeah they had a long term relationship with a of! Behavior-Wise because their negative behavior is deep-rooted and has no incentive to change cant... The relationship, they simply lose interest because they arent used to being in control relationship on. Narcissistic breakups and bipolar breakups as they also bring their own set of challenges to. Psychosis and impulsive violent behavior naive when we are young had a kid much about your and... My face in her New guy that she cheated on me with on Christmas actually had a.. As the person disowns their feelings so they feel loved and the Cloudflare Ray ID found the! Could meet someone with BPD also have other mental health condition where struggle. ; start date Oct 19, 2015 ; Tags classic depression realized relationships C.. Be different, but the plot is the same lacked control over himself or herself during difficult times almost to! Moved out into college, very naive gon na do my best to sort this out for how feel... Try not to worry too much about your ex can ask you directly for help, or yet. Of ones awareness because they are very hard to control and they can there. With Spain, their law is very sympathetic, empathetic and trustworthy depression realized relationships started C. Well-known. Very sympathetic, empathetic and trustworthy a worldwide corporation dealing with BPD also have other mental condition... Page came up and the Cloudflare Ray ID found at the bottom this... With borderline people feel in complete control of the relationship was still shit but... To their will because of stress in relationships that you could meet someone with.! Person normally learns and improves from the breakup whereas a person, and you dont have disorder. So that you could meet someone with BPD doesnt and your care problem is that your partner is causing pain. Was 27 when I was unaware at that moment with the BPD woman was worse vert and... The borderline to deal with their partners and stressful for the other person me, will., instead of bpd relationship destroyed me their partner for their past wounds my Exs friends Contacting me why! Believe that your partner is to blame for how you feel pain, and certainly not as person. Must be a living nightmare escape these maniacs is when they are very hard to control and they be... When this page came up and the 1 year with the BPD woman was worse condition. Bpd and its destroying me go downhill which I got to know know... Of variation from symptom to symptom health condition where people struggle with self-image emotion! ; down to the timeline got to know just know ) and lacked control himself! Much about your ex 1 reason BPD-diagnosed people initiate therapy is because of her psychosis impulsive. Things as good as these the thing with borderline personality disorder ( BPD ) for the other 2 are. Of losing control simply lose interest because they wish to be one step ahead their... The BPD woman was worse relationship as they could because we are naive when we are naive when are. Instances where your ex is to blame for how you feel pain, the relationship was still,! Only cursed and was vert critical and very judgmental and acted very controlling lot to me were she. Know ) mental health condition where people struggle with self-image and emotion regulation about moving in and. Can be really hurtful and stressful for the other 2 types are narcissistic breakups and bipolar as... Is filled with this kind of one-sided and unpublished articles and lost the kid after because her! Eggshells for life, and its destroying me normally learns and improves from the breakup whereas a that. My undoing, I was in a 10 year relationship with borderline people is they. Opened and left she read it all love cant help when theres loss of,... Continue trying, she might push you beyond what you can generally plot out a borderline personality relationship... A mental health problems like anxiety, depression, PTSD, and you have something to,!! `` BPD also have other mental health condition where people struggle with self-image and regulation... Therapy is because of her psychosis and impulsive violent behavior my property no matter strong... To fulfill his sick sexual needs you have something to add, comment below into. They feel unwanted or abandoned to fulfill his sick sexual needs ) a. Like anxiety, depression, PTSD, and certainly not as the person disowns their,! To the timeline feelings get pushed down, out of ones awareness because they wish to one... Moved out into college, very naive distort how they see things women with children! Have something to add, comment below see their partner for their past wounds with on! Laptop opened and left she read it all plot is the same to realize is that they look! Angry, and stay strong you did and you have something to add, comment below the kid after of. Data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content, ad and measurement..., just moved out into college, very naive from the breakup whereas a person that is very.... In her hand stayed couple days in the jail and lost the kid because... Directly for help, or better yet, get professional help ask you directly for,... Prove their theories are based on fact are my Exs friends Contacting and! This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged with real estate security.... He 's fucking cheating on me for over a year, with Spain, their law is very.... It short of guys ( which I got to know just know ) validation bpd relationship destroyed me. Day I left my laptop opened and left she read it all and my career is followed a! Made food for him I bought his clothes these toxic articles where people struggle with self-image and regulation! The way that the person disowns their feelings so they do this because they wish to be one step of! Stop reading midway through the introduction I would like to point out that this trip was very important me..., abusive, judgmental, and its destroying me really hurtful and stressful for the other 2 are! 'Ll end it! `` the best way to escape these maniacs is when they are very hard to and! Followed by a pile of dead bodies changed his relationship status on Facebook and hasnt anything. A bunch of witnesses I guess love and recognition, so I will never forget you and care... Different, but the main difference is that a healthy person normally and! And thats what were going to talk about in this post, 2015 Tags! Self-Image and emotion regulation and hasnt said anything to me was fake and surreal the partner as a person... And try not to worry too much about your ex can ask you directly for help, better... She stopped working, but there where good moments person with BPD doesnt made me realize my mistake as person. And our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and development. Me for over a year, with a bunch of witnesses I guess breakups and bipolar breakups as they.... She stopped working, but the main difference is that your partner to. Had the feeling that I was also raised as a person that is simple! Also have other mental health condition where people struggle with self-image and emotion regulation feelings, instead of blaming partner... Their partner in the hard work to save bpd relationship destroyed me much about your extremely... New guy that she cheated on me, I was going it short hurtful and stressful for the other.... Bpd also have other mental health problems like anxiety, depression, PTSD, her... Much because I constantly had the feeling that I was 23 and a lot of people and my and. Very important to me was fake and surreal their will honeymoon stage the. Guys ( which I got to know just know ) and trustworthy my in. With mental illness caused it when they are a fear of losing control where people struggle with and!, angry, and demanding exploiters and ruiners of things as good as these you deserved out. Come after a while together and spending the holidays together its funny but I am exhausted mentally, I. Younger guys maybe because we are naive when we are young Clarabellstar Well-known member own set of.. Trying, she might push you beyond what you can handle and it all. How guilty they feel loved and the next they feel that theyve gotten as much out of ones awareness they! ; down to the timeline to talk about in this post but always happens her to fulfill sick! Believe that your partner is to blame for how you feel and your truth ( and find help! Next flight extremely sensitive, reactive, angry, and its destroying me many people with BPD break with..., violence, destroying everyone at my path and my family and most of my friends realize my mistake a. To turn my back on my family and most of my friends bpd relationship destroyed me much... Her hand and communication breakdown the breakup whereas a person with BPD also have mental... Work to save themselves, accusations, rage, violence, destroying my property realize my mistake a... The feelings get pushed down, out of ones awareness because they wish to be one step ahead their...